Johnson Family Stories

Miracle #4

2011-11-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

CLEARLY....clearly...I am NOT an efficient blog update-er. Quite the opposite! But, believe it or not, I do "write" blog updates in my head while running errands on a regular basis. Can't you tell? Haven't you read them all? No...?
But, tonight, I had a few free moments while Isaac and Lydia are at Sparks/Cubbies at church and Miss Susanna is watching Sesame Street and eating mountains of raisins and I checked to see if any of my friend's had updated their blogs and WOWSERS! My dear friend Alicia has updated her blog EVERY DAY this month. I am shamed. So...I am updating! :)

The even more embarrassing part of THIS update is that it is MOMENTOUS...and I just haven't written it down yet!

Our fourth baby is due in 12 weeks.

I honestly paused after I wrote that sentence....what a MIRACLE! For so many years and in so many ways I truly believed I would never become a mama. Period. It was just so hard for me to keep the spark of hope alive that I would hold my own child in my arms someday...and that no one would ever take him or her away from me.

(oh...my heart...Susanna just called "MOMMY" from the other room!...I'm back. That child is FULL of raisins!)

But, Praise God!, I did keep a small spark alive. That light of hope was what gave us the courage to keep trying and keep believing and keep trusting....and solely because GOD IS EXTRAVAGANT and ABUNDANT and MERCIFUL and HE DELIGHTS to BLESS US...

He chose to bless us with Isaac Matthew! Our "Child of Promise" "Gift of God"!
And then years later with our Lydia Hope! Our "Beautiful Light""Full of Hope"!
And then the frosting on our life, our sweet Miss Susanna Joy! Our "Pure" "Joy"!

And now. Again. AGAIN!? Oh Lord. My heart overflows!

Our precious baby is a boy! I/we are 28 weeks pregnant and in 12 weeks (give or take) our little man will be in our arms!

I long to see your face, my son. I long to hear your voice and smell your head and kiss your ears and inspect your tummy and your toes. I can't wait to call you by your name and introduce you to your sisters and your big brother and your grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and so many friends who have loved you and prayed for you since the moment they knew you existed!

You are a FOURTH MIRACLE! Does that make you less of a miracle? Being a fourth? Does a miracle only count as a "miracle" when it happens only once? NO! I believe a miracle is anytime God intervenes where we have been told "impossible" and God steps in and says "I SAY YES"!

I cannot promise that you will be alone in very many pictures...but, that does not make you any less valuable...it proves that you are delighted in and rejoiced over and that we long for your company!

I cannot promise that I will update your baby book as fastidiously as I did Isaac's...does this make you any less important?...NO, it proves that you have added immeasurably to our home and I would rather snuggle you and Isaac and Lydia and Susanna than write about you.

I cannot promise that all of your clothes are brand new and perfectly unstained...does this make you any less worthy?...NO, it proves that WE are a blessed family and that we have a house that is overflowing with CHILDREN!

Little One...You are precious and valuable and loved and rejoiced over and anticipated joyfully and you are the object of abundant prayers of praise and thanksgiving!

Welcome to YOUR family!

A Poop-tastic Potty Training Story

2011-03-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

So...this actually happened about two weeks ago...but, it is SO FUNNY!! I had to write it down to make sure I didn't forget all the details.

Miss Lydia is potty training!! Whoo-hoo!!....once she's "trained". The "training" part is enough to try the patience of a very, very patient person.

I am not a very, very patient person.

But, on this particular day, we had a GREAT story.

Isaac was home "sick". By "sick", I mean he was fake sick...he had been sort of sick the night before but was basically perfectly healthy by morning. However, he'd made up his mind that he was "sick" and I obviously was not in the mood to push the matter. I felt that he probably did need some extra rest and a Friday in Kindergarten is not the most...shall we say...productive time frame in the world.

By 9:05 I had changed my mind. It was time to get out of the house before I and/or Isaac and Lydia went crazy!

Lydia had been potty training for about a week at this point. She REALLY, REALLY loves her Big Girl Underpants and was determined to go out on errands wearing only those, and not a diaper. So, we boldly ventured forward. Our longest stop was at a store called Other Mothers. It is a used children's clothing store. We are there A LOT! This day happened to be the Quarter Sale (about 15-20 large bins of "unacceptable" clothing is all 25 cents each). I really love the Quarter sale...but, not when my children are with me. I don't feel like I can watch the three of them and plunder the bins at the same time. But, we'd already arrived and the store was fairly empty, so, I decided to go for it!

Lydia and Isaac went to play in the play area...they don't stay there very well. Well, Isaac does...he usually ends up getting absorbed into whatever movie is playing. Lydia...she wanders off. She doesn't try to leave the store (THANK GOD), she just wanders over to the "toys for sale" area and plays there like she is in the "play area".

So, Lydia announced that she has to go potty! Yippee!! So, off we all trod to the bathroom. She went potty...but, clearly had to go poopy. This happened 6 times! She'd come, announce she had to go potty, we'd all four wander into the bathroom, she'd maybe squeeze out a few drops and that was it...but, clearly she had to go poopy.

Once again, they went back to the toy area, Susanna and I went back to the bins. And I actually got to look for a few minutes. Susanna was in a cart, happily munching on an animal cracker, and time just....slipped. Suddenly, I had that "mom panic" feeling that I hadn't heard or seen Isaac or Lydia in just a minute or two too long....you know that feeling....

Just as I was quickly finishing the bin I was in before going off to check on #1 and #2's whereabouts I hear this....

"Mommy! Mommy! I did it!!! I went poopy on the potty!!!"

I look up and see Lydia running towards me. (How she had gotten to the bathroom without me noticing is beyond me...she had to literally walk almost right in front of me to get there from the toy area...and yet...)

Out she comes, dress held high up by her armpits, undies and pants around her ankles, the middle 2/3 of herself as naked as a jay-bird!

And poop running down her legs.

Yep! I absolutely GASPED! And then ran towards her and turned this little poop machine back towards the bathroom. She had poop running all down her little bottom and her legs.

I absolutely got the "YOU ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER" look from several mothers. I got a hearty laugh from several other NORMAL mothers. I got the "You had better plan on buying more than just a bunch of Quarter stuff after this fiasco" look from the Other Mother's people. Yep. It was AWESOME!

All four of us arrive in the bathroom to find that Lydia had indeed gone into the bathroom herself, got up on the toilet herself, pooped A LOT by herself, and then slid off and came to proudly show me her accomplishment...all by herself. The result was, that poop was all over the toilet seat (from her slide off the seat) and some was across the bathroom floor as well. Not to mention the poop on her little tushy and her legs.

Lydia was SO proud of herself! All I could say was, "Great job sweetie! You did a great job!....Just, next time,....please come and find me first."

As we left the bathroom, I was still receiving the same looks from the same parties. We all resumed our positions - playing, watching, plundering, nibbling.

We left shortly after that...with WAY too many Quarter items in an attempt to placate the store I frequent!

Just two weeks later Lydia is TOTALLY potty trained! She has been amazingly quick and focused and independent. It's AWESOME...except that, as she said yesterday, "I really, really LOVE going potty". So, we go potty about 1200 times a day. Our first actual trip somewhere is going to take about 10 hours at this rate.

But, for now, we are very proud of Lydia and this story will go down in the Johnson Family history as one of the best potty training stories EVER!

A.K.A.

2010-12-29T13:01:00.000-08:00

I don't actually know what A.K.A. stands for...but, I know it has to do with alternate names for people.

So...today, I will let you in on my children's alternate names.

These are the names that only Steve and I call them. We don't really want them to have a complex because of everyone calling them these names. But, it does give us SUCH satisfaction to mutter these little names to each other about our little angels.

Isaac: AKA "Captain Freaktastic-Amazing"
This name came about because Isaac can turn on a FREAK OUT like nobody's business! He is normally a very mellow, happy, thoughtful child. But, MAN, can he flip on his OCD switch and just have a meltdown about anything! Socks that don't sit at the exact right spot on his ankle, breakfast that doesn't count as "breakfast", an invisible tear in a piece of paper....honestly, the list is so long I may have a meltdown myself just thinking about all the amazing freak outs he has had in the past six years! Tears squirting from his eyes, body thrown to the floor, muttering incomprehensively....Fa-REAK OUT!

Lydia: AKA "Princess Lydzilla"
This name is fairly self-explanatory. Lydia is 2 1/2 and at the moment she is a "beautiful princess" almost all of the time. But, sometimes, while she was a beautiful princess just a moment ago...if you ASK her if she's a beautiful princess she will immediately change her entire demeanor - facial expression, body language, voice, etc. and become a tiger, or a rhinocerous, or a kimodo dragon....all that, and when the "Lydzilla" part started it was because she liked to trample on Isaac's building projects. :)

Susanna: AKA "McScreamy"
This name was just bestowed this morning....hence, this post. Steve and I were lying in bed, barely conscious after last night's screaming chaos and Steve said, "I have Susanna's new name. McScreamy. Because she's tiny like a McNugget, but she can scream like nothing I have ever heard before." Honestly...this little one is AMAZING! She has a scream that is honestly just unlike anything I have ever heard before...the pitch and strength are phenomenal...especially since she is SO TINY! She just turned one a few weeks ago and she is in the 0th percentile for her age! She only weighs 16 lb 9 oz at one year old! She is just teeny tiny....but, she has lungs like an opera singer! She is usually a sweet, happy, shy-ish little baby. She wants to be held by me ALL DAY LONG. But, put her in a car seat or put her in bed when she doesn't want to be asleep and WOW! The show begins!
Last night, she woke up at 3:00am for a bottle. She drank almost the whole thing, seemed to be satisfied, snuggled into me and was almost asleep. We rocked for a few minutes and then I put her in her bed. She POPPED up like a jack-in-the-box and commenced to scream at eardrum rupturing decibels for 90 minutes! 90 minutes!
Today while running errands, she SCREAMED the entire time until my ears were actually ringing. We stopped at Walgreens for something and she stopped on a dime, smiled, cooed, chatted, snuggled, and then COMMENCED SCREAMING the moment she was back in her carseat.

So. There you have it. Mommy, Daddy, Captain Freaktastic-Amazing, Princess Lydzilla and McScreamy.

Welcome to our home.

"WalMart"

2010-08-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Ugh.

I just returned home from a grocery shopping trip to WalMart.

That could be my whole post right there. That's enough.

Sadly...that's the point of this post!...sort of...

I am a list-maker. I LOVE making lists! I make lists of the things I am planning on doing or accomplishing during the day. I add things to my list if I complete something that wasn't on my list to begin with. I have even been known to get to the end of a particularly hectic day and rewrite my whole list and then cross it all off one thing after another just so I can SEE what exhausted me so much!

I think this desire to "LIST" my day may have been kicked into super-drive when I became a stay-at-home mom. Some part of myself needed the "ACCOMPLISHED" phase of life...do you know what I mean? I taught for 6 years prior to being blessed with motherhood and of course, as a teacher, I had LOTS of lists going at all times and LOTS of things to cross off my list all day long.

Being a mother to small children is a little like the movie "Groundhog Day". Everyday is a lot like the day before it. Wake up, nurse, change diapers, wipe up stuff, change diapers, wipe up more stuff, run errands, make food, wipe up more stuff, change more diapers.....repeat...

Don't misunderstand. I LOVE BEING A STAY-HOME-MOMMY! I love it! But, I definitely have my moments. I am only human. I have my selfish times. I have my impatient times. I have my less-than-super-mom days. Today is one of those days.

So. My list for today looks something like this-
-Devotions
-Dust
-Laundry
-Upstairs Bathroom
-Sweep
-Post Office
-Bank
-WalMart
-Renew library books
-Make granola

I began my day - everyone fed, everyone clean...ish, everyone ready to roll - off we go on our errands. Drive thru at Post Office and two Banks (in another post I'll describe my reasons for why ALL places I must go during the day should be drive-thru...but, that's another post)...then I head to WalMart for my grocery shopping.

I don't like that I shop at WalMart. I feel like I am helping to contribute to the downfall of all the family run businesses of the world. But, THEY ARE CHEAP! I can't help it! I would, at this point in our financial and family world, be CRAZY to do my bulk shopping anywhere else! So...I head to the largest WalMart in the state of Wisconsin. Yep.

Let's just blink for a moment and pretend that that hour of my motherhood doesn't exist. Can we all do that together? Please? Do you think that in the long-run my children will remember that hour of their lives?

So, we get home from "WalMart". I carry in the bags of groceries, park the car, get the kids in and occupied while I carry my HYSTERICAL baby Susanna around the kitchen putting away the perishables. I get those things put away and walk past my "LIST" on the way to nurse her before making lunch. I scan the list so I can quick have that satisfaction of crossing off my morning and I get to cross off"Post Office", "Bank", and "WalMart". WHAT THE!?!?! "WalMart" SO does not count as much as sweeping later today or my quick drive up to the mail slot and deposit the envelope at the Post Office or my 5 minutes of making granola. "WalMart". One tiny little line through that word is supposed to give me the satisfaction of accomplishing that monumental task with my children in one of the semi-truck carts while they battle each other and me for an hour through the grocery store that could feed a small nation!!!

So...from now on....I think on the days that I must go grocery shopping at WalMart my list for the day will look something more like this...

-Devotions
-Dust
-Post Office
-Make it into WalMart from the car without Lydia getting mowed down by an SUV
-Get all 3 onto mammoth cart without Isaac having a nervous breakdown from the piece of goo on the far corner of the cart
-Survive produce section without 302 lemons cascading down on Lydia's head
-NOT say something snarky to crabby old lady near meat counter when she says to my beautiful baby daughter "He sure looks a little crabby. Maybe he needs his diaper changed."
-Resist urge to duct tape Lydia to cart after she throws 4th box of cereal into cart onto grapes
-Do NOT say something I'll always regret after Isaac whines "Why can't we have Lucky Charms!!! You NEVER let us get anything good!!!"
-etc. etc....this could become a REAAALLLY long list
-Avoid getting myself a treat from Starbucks just to punish the little felons in the backseat....maybe I shouldn't cross off this one...
-Unload all the groceries without the dog stealing the cheese sticks out of the last bag before I can get them from him
-Sit down and get Susanna nursed before she turns purple from screaming
-Make Granola
-Renew Library books

Ahhhh. That feels better. Crossing off this list gives me satisfaction. It makes me looks like a rock star. It. Is. Finished.

-

Copy of email: China Update

2010-07-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

The following is a copy of the email that we just sent to some family and a few friends regarding the status of our planned adoption from China. It seems amazingly odd to me that just two blog posts ago I was writing a letter to my "future child"...and now, this email regarding our decision to terminate our adoption plans.
I am fine. I am sad, too. I just never thought that this was how this "adoption" would end. It is still the right decision for our family. It is still how we feel led by God. It is just NOT the way I assumed this would end. For the past nearly six years I have assumed that at least one of my children would be adopted, first with Isabella and then with a daughter from China. It looks like that is not going to be part of our family's make-up now...at least on the outside. That is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around, too.
All in all, I am peaceful and....fine...with our decision to end our adoption journey with China. I just wanted to be sure that this email and my thoughts from last Friday were preserved.

So...here is that email.

Hi Family and Friends,
We thought that we would update you all on our China adoption status. Each of you has been with us on this journey since the very beginning and we felt it was only right that you are with us as this chapter of our lives ends as well.
Yes, that's what you just read, we have decided to formally end our adoption wait for China.
We started this process when Isaac was not yet 2 years old. At that time we very clearly felt led by God toward this form of adoption. Through our own experiences and from what our doctor's had told us, we did not anticipate being able to have any more biological children apart from God's direct blessing. We knew that our hearts longed to raise more children and the adoption of a baby girl from China felt correct...it was where we were being led by God at that time. We stepped forward and looked ahead with excitement expecting to have our daughter in our arms in 18 months (what we were told by our agency was the expected time frame for China at that point...we knew several people who had adopted from China in significantly less time than that as well).
As you all know, near the end of our dossier preparation for China we learned that we were expecting again! God is a God of miracles and we looked forward with HOPE towards the birth of Lydia! Praise God, she is now a vivacious 2 year old and we are constantly amazed at the beautiful little light she is in our family. We continued to keep tabs on our China adoption through all of this and anticipated adding our Chinese daughter to our family when Lydia was about 1 year old....that again, obviously did not happen. The time frame for China has perpetually lengthened and we have just sort of sat back and assumed that we would wait until...forever...whenever our time on the list came up.
Again, God blessed us abundantly with the birth of our beautiful little Miss Susanna! She has been pure joy to our family and since her birth the discussion of what to do about "China" has been ongoing.
This winter, shortly after Susanna was born, we were again keeping tabs on China and discovered to our shock and dismay, that our wait time for China was really anyone's guess. Every web site we looked at listed wait times for China (at our log-in date) to be anywhere from 5-11 years!!! Yes, 5-11 years. (Our own agency later could "neither confirm nor deny" that this was what we should expect.)
Before even seeing this timeline the thought that maybe we should end our China adoption had crept into the back of each of our minds. The costs that are involved each year that our adoption lags are significant, the wait time is significant, and the fact that our family feels comfortably at peace is also very significant. We have gone back and forth in our discussions for months now and we have prayed earnestly that we would come to a mutual, confident, peaceful decision as to whether to renew all our paperwork again and continue on with the adoption for at least the next 18 months (when it would all have to be renewed again as the anticipated "end" could still very well be years away), or whether we should stop the adoption process all together.
We feel that we have come to that peaceful place together. We no longer feel that we are being led to adoption through China. We can't exactly explain why...maybe part of it was an act of faith to step forward where we felt we were being called so that God could display His power in blessing us with two daughters when we sought one. We will never know this side of Eternity what God's plan is, but, we feel that He has brought us to a place of mutual agreement in terminating this process.
We do not know if our family is complete or not. Only God knows that. We only know that we no longer feel led to adopt from China and we feel blessed to overflowing with the three miracles who live in our home with us and who have been given into our stewardship to raise.
Steve officially called Pauquette today to have them begin the paperwork that will officially and legally end this adoption process. Even though we feel confident that this is the right decision for our family and we feel that God has closed this door for us, it is not without sadness that we turn this page in our lives. Tears were shed (by me!) this morning as the finality of this decision overwhelmed me when Steve hung up the phone.
So, that's all. I guess we just wanted to honor your involvement and prayers for us and let you know that we have ended our Chinese adoption. Please continue to rejoice with us over the amazing family God has given us.
With much love and gratitude for your companionship during this part of our lives,
Steve and Stephanie...and our family, Isaac, Lydia and Susanna

Quotes and thoughts from my Bible Study today....

2010-03-08T14:31:00.000-08:00

OK...so, this will be probably one of the most random posts I've ever...posted. I am going through a Bible Study at church by Beth Moore called "Esther". Obviously, it is a study of the book of the Bible called Esther. The following are direct quotes out of the lesson for today...and a few of my own thoughts sprinkled in. I just really was struck by parts of this lesson today. I felt it directly related to me in some mothering ways...how do you speak to your children to encourage and "push" without pushing too much OR without coddling so much that your children are helpless. Parts were also a good reminder to me that my everyday-ness IS beautiful and extraordinary and an offering to God WHEN I choose to make it that way. All the "wiping" that is my life right now - wiping noses, wiping bottoms, wiping counters, wiping windows, wiping up spills, etc. are all "breathtaking works of art" when I do them for His glory.

And so....

(The writer of this study entitled "Esther" is Beth Moore. In this particular day of study she is quoting from another author named Laura Fraser and her book called "My So-Called Genius" in which she recounts her remarkable journey from being a whiz-kid to a fairly-ordinary adulthood of unmet expectations. Her story relates her issues of assuming that since she had been told she was "great" that she must always accomplish "great things" or else be a failure. A psychologist pointed out to her, while she was in her mid-forties, "Do you have to do something great? Can you be happy to do something really good?")

-"Perfectionists always lose."

-Couldn't the craving to do something great keep us from doing something good?

-Perfectionism would have paralyzed Esther if she'd given way to it, but, today's lesson offers us a chance to broaden the spectrum. Let's spread around the responsibility for destructive expectations of greatness to the generations. As parents, teachers, relatives, leaders, or observers, we are wise to be careful about telling gifted children how great they aredestined to be. It is a trap and a forecast Fraser claims rarely pans out. She points out the monumental difference between talent and having a clue what to do with it and how genius rarely exempts people from having to work hard just like everybody else who wants to make it.

-...every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God. The blessed recipient is responsible for developing the integrity, humility, and work-ethic to know what to do with it. (1 Tim. 4:12-15, 2 Tim. 1:6) Gift without grit is a pitiful waste.

-Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extrarordinary. Spooning soup into the mouth of the weak or manning the nursery so a tired mom can go to church are acts of high worship when offered in the name of Christ. He beholds the sight like a breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. "She has done a beautiful thing to me" (Mark 14:6).

-Those with presence of mind and semblence of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips - perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated - into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.

-In effect Christ says, "I'm already great enough for both of us," relieving the willing of their woeful burden, "Just follow Me."

OK...so, none of these are my thoughts...just thoughts I found fascinating and didn't want to forget about in the midst of everything else that is my life.

And...I didn't really wrap that up well at all...but, life is calling. Lydia is screaming from her bedroom and Susanna has just woken up and is also SCREAMING!!! Thus I go...

Miss Lydia

2010-02-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

I was going to just post this on Facebook...but, then I realized I wrote something about Lydia yesterday on Facebook and it occurred to me that I may have begun to sound like those mothers who have nothing else to talk about other than what their child did that day...so, in order to save some shred of dignity, I am going to post it here where only about 2 people will notice that I have nothing else to talk about!

Lydia is coming INTO HER OWN!!! WOW!! A few little funnies about the Little Miss...

At present, she is in her crib, NOT SLEEPING, and shouting "MINE" at her dollies and her Bunny. Evidently they are taking things from her, they have something she wants, they are making faces at her or talking back - all of which are reasons for yelling "MINE" in Isaac's direction!

She already has the very appropriate nickname "Lydzilla" for very obvious reasons. She is a one-woman-demolition-derby. Her new, very appropriate nickname is "Typhoid Mary". Her baby sister, Susanna (who, YES, I know, I haven't said a word about yet! Give me a little grace people! All my brain cells are focused on lactating at present...it's a miracle anything is getting typed today!) and her have been trading sicknesses. Poor things. They are both pretty miserable. But, Susanna will be just on the upswing and in walks Typhoid Mary with a face full of green snotties running down her face, into her mouth, on her hands, and before you can cut her off at the pass she runs up to her poor unsuspecting baby sister and plants one right on her face. Yep...3 hours later, Susanna is stuffed up again and blowing her own teeny weeny person snooties all over the place.

So....that's all for today!

OH...one more thing...Isaac was just registered for Kindergarten today! AAAACK! When did that happen? How did that happen? How has my sweet little boy gotten so grown up!?!?! His thoughts as I was filling out paperwork..."Mom, I think I'm a little nervous about Kindergarten....it might take a long time for the kids to know that I'm cool."

Two Years Ago Today

2009-11-29T13:03:00.000-08:00

Two years ago today...November 29, 2007...we were officially logged into China's adoption system and put on their Wait List to adopt a baby girl. 2 years ago! We actually started the process almost three years ago when you figure in the decision to go forward with adoption again (this time international), meetings, appointments, paperwork, SLLLLOOOOOWWWWW mail systems all over our country and across the world, and the time it took to actually get logged into China's system.

We are still waiting for you little one! You have had a name (that we've never shared with anyone) for almost three years and you aren't even born yet! We thought that you would be our second and probably last child and by God's infinite and extravagently breathtaking mercy He has blessed us with two miracles since we started waiting for you - Lydia and Baby Girl due in just a couple weeks.

We anticipate that we will be on the wait list for at least another 12-18 months...but, who knows...nothing is constant or predictable...so....

We are still waiting for YOU, Little One in China. When will you be born? Have you already been concieved?...probably... When will we see your beautiful face for the first time and read all about you? When will we travel to get you? What will it feel like to hold you in my arms and hear your voice and smell your skin and kiss your face all for the first time? How old will your brother and sisters be when it is time for YOU to join YOUR family?

We have been praying for your birthmother (and father) as well. We can only imagine the full circumstances that will have alligned against her to force her to give you up. As she probably knows she is pregnant she is probably thrilled to feel you move and know you are alive and growing...and grieved in a way that can never be described in words at the knowledge that she must tear herself away from you with only her hopes and prayers for your future. She is loved by us as well and will be part of our prayers for the rest of our lives.

But, in ways we cannot comprehend nor trace out...

God planned US as a family before the beginning of time! He "matched" us before the creation of the Universe. So...for now...we are still waiting for you Little One in China.

We love you. We have loved you for years. You are OURS in all the ways that are important - you are ours in our prayers, our hearts, our dreams, our plans for the future, the way we picture our completed family...YOU are OURS and WE are YOUR MAMA and DADDY!

Sweet girl.

I Don't Even Know Where to Begin!

2009-11-06T12:34:00.000-08:00

Seriously....I am so bad at this blog stuff! I write in these waves of several updates at a time and then don't update for 6 months at a time! I'm at the point now where I don't even know where to start with some sort of an update on my life....

I suppose the quick and dirty version is an update on my kids -
Isaac will turn 5...YES 5 in just a few weeks. So not possible. I can't handle it. I'm at the same point of denial that I was right before he turned one....there is NO WAY my baby is this old!

Lydia is almost 19 months old and her newest nickname is Lydzilla! She is a handful! She is sweet and cuddly and snuggly and kissy AND she likes to stomp like Godzilla through Isaac's structures and throw her food at the dog and smack Isaac's head if she's above him in someone's arms....and her world is about to be ROCKED.

Yes...Miracle #3 is on her way! (Seriously, if this doesn't prove that I SUCK at keeping a blog up-to-date...well, then nothing else possibly could!) We are expecting our third miracle baby in just 6 short weeks! She is due December 18....or probably Christmas Day with the way my babies evidently like to take their sweet time entering the world. We know her name - but, we don't share....so sorry. I was actually shopping at a fabric store a few weeks ago (having my first 24 hours ALL TO MYSELF in over 5 years!) and the girl behind the check-out counter was just so upset that I wouldn't tell her the baby's name! She said, "PLEASE, can't you just tell me! We are total strangers! You'll never see me again - I'll never see you again. I need to know. It's going to stress me out for the rest of the day." I said, "Nope. We don't tell. This will give you something to think about for the rest of the day and make your work day go faster." She begged me to at least tell her the first letter...which I refused....so she told me I was mean. Yep.

Here is my funny kid saying for the week. We were driving around doing errands the other day. Steve was with which makes this story so much funnier! Isaac was sitting in the back talking on a play cell phone. All of a sudden we hear, "Ah, yes Sir, I would wike a vaniwa watte and some cookies for the kids, please." (translation - for those of you that don't read "almost 5 year old speech that still lacks L's for the most part" - I would like a vanilla latte"). OK, Steve just looked at me and groaned and rolled his eyes - he thinks I buy myself a coffee EVERY DAY. In reality, I almost never do - so, I don't know where he gets that from. The thing that made me howl was that THAT ISN'T EVEN MY DRINK!!! My actual coffee drink, if I go to Starbucks is a Decaf latte with 2 pumps sugar-free vanilla 2 pumps sugar-free caramal - NOT with 1%, I want at least 2% or whole milk if it's available. SO.....my little man in the backseat is either familiar enough with the lingo to break it down to what is intelligible to him...OR, he's been out ordering his own special drink without me knowing! Either way...it's a hoot!

OK...so, I can't promise this will be updated again anytime soon. Hopefully though before the new baby turns 1!

Where the heck have I been?

2009-06-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

Wow.....I dropped off the face of the earth for 3 months!

Not really....I'm still here doing all the same things I usually do, I have just evidently had nothing interesting to write about or report about my life. This, of course, isn't true and was the whole point of my blog in the first place. Seriously.

So....since I can't think of anything too hilarious or shocking I'll report a few of Isaac's newest prayers!

Isaac likes to be the "pray-er" at all meals lately. Some of his prayers are quite interesting.

"Come Lord Jesus,

be our guest,

of the United States of America

and to the Republic for which it stands.

One nation, under God, indivisible,

with Liberty and Justice for all.

And bless our food.

Amen."

and another...

"Jesus.

Keep us safe while we eat.

Bless us.

Give me what I want.

Amen."

If that one isn't a true picture into human nature I don't know what is!

I have been updating my reading list! I have read some GREAT books in the past several months - I highly recommend anything on my reading list!

I'm Back!

Yucky Hair

2009-03-02T13:07:00.001-08:00

My hair sucks.

I have had basically the exact same hairstyle my whole life.

I did go through quite a perm phase for a while...but, basically I have had the same boring, shoulder-length-ish, no bangs, "natural" hair my whole life.

It sucks.

It's not thick, it's not thin. It's not curly, but it's not straight either.

I had it shorter for a while this summer - and I did actually like how it looked (gasp)...but, it was a total pain because I couldn't put it up or back or anything and let's face it...I have a 4 year old son and a baby...my hair needs to be out of my face.

Of course....it's not like you, the reader, can do anything about this. I don't even have one single picture of me posted in order for you to give me some constructive ideas about a positive change for my hair.

So....I'll just continue whining and you can be relieved to be at the end of this post.

My Baby

2009-02-12T13:12:00.000-08:00

The vast majority...probably all of the posts that I've written have had some comment about or from Isaac. For good reason, of course, he talks! But, I have been blessed with another little beauty and this post is about her.

Lydia Hope is my long awaited second child. Lydia means "Beautiful Light" and Hope means "Confident Expectation". She IS a beautiful light in our family and the fruition of our confident expectation. She just turned 10 months old today. How is that possible? As I write the words "10 months old" I am honestly sort of stunned. I just stood here for a second unable to type anything else...how could my little baby be so BIG already? Where have the last 10 months gone? Of course, she's not THAT big yet...but, 10 months....she will turn one year old on Easter Sunday. (Isaac turned one on Thanksgiving - isn't that sweet - both of their firsts are on momentous holidays with great meaning).

This is going to be disjointed - I can tell already - because I am honestly standing here typing in kind of a daze. My sweet little miracle is already 10 months old! I say MIRACLE with complete conviction and without the "lightness" with which most people throw around that word. Lydia was my sixth pregnancy. I will go into the story of ALL my children in another post, but, Lydia was long waited for...after Isaac was born we had almost two years of trying before first being told that I would never get pregnant again because I had a sperm allergy. We went before the Elder's of our church and asked that they would anoint us with oil and pray for healing because I believed that EVERYTHING is possible with God. I got pregnant the very next month! We lost that little one at 10 weeks - she probably died just hours before our first ultrasound. I truly believe that her purpose was to point me to God's strength and remind me that NO ONE can tell me what God can't do...God CAN do EVERYTHING and I believe that that was our little Caitlin's purpose...(I hope that anyone reading this will understand that this conviction did not come immediately, but, MUCH MUCH later and after TREMENDOUS wrestling with God)....in the meantime I started seeing a Naturopath (a person who uses "natural" healing methods - this person is a Christian - I would not have gone to see her if she hadn't been). On our first meeting I told her the brief history of the world (as it related to me, of course), and after mentioning the sperm antibody thing and that the major clinic near us had told me I would never get pregnant again and that sperm antibody issues were incurable she said "that's just an allergy, we work with allergies all the time, that won't be a problem"...!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not believe it.....OK, to speed up the story....at the same time I was going through a Bible Study called "Believing God" by Beth Moore - TOTALLY life changing and faith building and amazing...I can't say enough good things....so, the combination of a much healthier body, being CURED of the sperm antibody issue, and finally being willing to BELIEVE GOD NO MATTER WHAT - Believing that HIS best for me was better than what I believed to be best for myself - Believing that HE LOVED ME NO MATTER WHAT - BELIEVING and trusting in His timing, His way, His plan........and obviously a WHOLE LOT of God saying..."OK, now is the time for this one!"....and Lydia was conceived!

We had a few scares early in the pregnancy, but, all in all it was a fun, happy, healthy, exciting, awesome pregnancy. I was able to deliver vaginally which was very exciting for me after Isaac's C-Section. My milk came in right away (again, exciting and relieving after so much drama trying to get my milk in after Isaac was born). Lydia was healthy and beautiful and perfect in every way.

She is my joy. She makes the whole family light up. She is the apple of her Daddy's eye and getting her to laugh or smile is the goal of ALL her brother's activities. She makes my heart hurt I love her so much.

She is also coming into her own and she is also a bit of a sassafras! :) She has a mind of her own and she isn't afraid to share. She often reminds me of how much God loves us - her newest thing when she is upset is to arch her back and throw her arms up and back when you pick her up (so that she sort of slides out of your arms)...I think God must smile and shake His head at us when we do the same thing to His rescuing us or removing us from something harmful - we clearly don't understand His motives and so we buck at Him....Lydia brings this to my mind often lately!

She was also just weaned as of today. I am very sad....and also sort of relieved...it's so hard to explain. Both of my babies weaned themselves much earlier than I would have liked them to. I would have nursed a LONG time if they had allowed me, but, they both just QUIT right around 10 months. Lydia has had teeth since she was 6 months old....hence, my relief at being done. But, today, I am sad. I miss the time when she was 3, 4, 5 months old and happy and content and loved to nurse and the pain from the beginning was over. She would just look up at me and pat my chest with her free hand. I miss all that. But, as is everything with mothering, I love this stage she's in right now, too. I am learning about LYDIA. Lydia the bigger baby, her personality, her opinions, her likes and dislikes. I am curious what she will be like when she is Isaac's age. I am curious about what kind of a big sister she will be someday in God's timing (because I am BELIEVING again for another baby). She is my sweet little light and I am sad today that we are done with our special connection.

At this very moment she is sleeping. My Lydia Hope. Praise God for you.

Nibbles...

2009-02-06T13:38:00.001-08:00

I flat out cannot believe I am going to post this...post. I must enjoy humiliating myself.

My son Isaac was following me down the stairs the other day and he said, "When I grow up and I'm a Daddy I'm going to feed my baby myself."....I said that that sounded like a very good idea.

He continued, "But, I'm going to feed the baby with a bottle, not the way you do......My nibbles aren't as big as your nibbles."

There's really nothing I can add to that story.

Can I play with my Daddy's hookers?

2009-01-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

Yep....this little gem came out of the mouth of my little man. This is not a recent great quote - but, I just remembered it this morning and thought I should save it for posterity on my blog.

So....maybe six months ago now, I came downstairs after my shower and Isaac was enjoying his usual bowl of dry cereal and juice while watching cartoons and out of his mouth came, "Mama...can I play with my Daddy's hookers?"

Huh?

Yes....I am sure you can imagine the thoughts hurtling through my head.

"Isaac, what are you talking about? What "hookers"?"

"You know Mama! My Daddy's hookers!"

....I'm still trying to figure out WHAT he is talking about since I am firmly believing that he is not talking about any WHO's.....

"Isaac....can you explain to me what you are talking about? I don't understand what that is...."

"Mama! You know, my Daddy's hookers....you know, you just hold them like this and then you put things on them and hook them!".......he is pantomiming something and it finally occurs to me that he is talking about Daddy's HANGERS! Isaac likes to use HANGERS for all uses - guns, "hook-er" things, swords, shields, etc.

"Isaac, do you mean Daddy's hangers?"

A HUGE sigh of relief -"YES Mama! That's what I said! My Daddy's hooker-hanger things!"

Yes....that was all before 8:00am.

The following little gem happened at dinner tonight. We were eating my favorite meal of ALL TIME. Roast beef with potatoes and carrots and gravy and rolls and butter.....mmmmm....I just ate and it still sounds so good.

Anyways - we have been working on appropriate things coming out of Isaac's mouth (you aren't surprised are you?). Most dinner comments lately involve something like "I don't like that" relating to really anything at all.

So, before he even came to the table Steve coached him to only say nice things about the dinner that Mommy had worked hard to make.

Isaac responded by saying, "Mama, this food doesn't even smell bad!"....Steve and I looked at each other with that look of amusement that parents give each other and before we could coach Isaac on the possible inappropriateness of that "compliment" he followed it up with "Mama! This food is good! It doesn't even make me want to go blaaaahhh and spit it out on my plate!".

Yep. We're still working on compliments.

Team Jesus

2009-01-20T14:00:00.000-08:00

Ok -my son is a hoot. I have, of course, mentioned this before. For better or worse, as a child growing up in a Christian home and in Cubbies and Sunday School he has learned that the answer to many questions is "Jesus!". As a result Jesus has been the topic of many funny conversations lately.

A few days ago Isaac asked, "Why do we have so much snow? We already have lots of snow? How come more is coming?".....before we could give any sort of response he answered himself....

"I think it must be Jesus' fault"!

Of course, we burst into laughter and then said..."Well, yes, I guess it is Jesus' fault, He must know that we need more snow."

Yesterday morning while eating breakfast Isaac asked, "Are fireflies on Jesus' team?"

.....I had NO IDEA how to answer that question. My mind started churning with the possible motive or underlying question that he was really trying to answer...then, I came to my right senses and remembered that he is a 4 year old boy and so all "team" related questions really come down to the Good Guys vs. the Bad Guys....which, I guess in an innocent theology is really what faith boils down to....so, I said...."well....Jesus made everything and He is a Good Guy and I guess fireflies are Good Guys so they must be on Jesus' team".

Isaac took another bite of eggs and then looked at me with the most serious of little boy looks and asked, "Mama...do you think Jesus would like me on His team?"

I almost cried. That was the most precious little question a 4 year old boy could ask. I said, "Isaac, Jesus created you and He loves you completely. I am certain that He wants you on His team."

Isaac answered, "Mama....would you pray and ask if Jesus wants me on His team?"

Again...almost tears. So I prayed out loud, "Jesus, Isaac wants to be on your team. I know how much you love Isaac and I know that You think he is great. Please help Isaac know that You want him on Your team."

Isaac took another bite and said, "Mama...Jesus just told me I can be on His team. I have to go get my sword and practice for fighting."

Could you just die.

That has to be one of THE most precious conversations I have ever had.

My 34 for my 34th!

2009-01-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

The time has come....I know you have all been waiting with eager expectation....the time has come to announce my 34 goals for my 34th year! I turn 34 years old tomorrow. Wow. 34. I am officially in my "mid-30's".

OK....continue....before I start hyperventilating.....

As I wrote in a previous entry, I was reading a friend's blog a few weeks ago and she had written 34 goals for her 34th year - something she has done for two years now. I thought that it was a great idea so I sat down and for the last few weeks I have been slowly compiling my list of 34 things I was to do/accomplish/succeed at during this next year of my life.

As I was looking over my list yesterday it occurred to me that NONE of my goals is a "help the people" kind of a goal. None of them is monumental, really. Some of them are directly related to my children...but, for the most part they are all about ME! I was standing in the shower thinking about this, trying to figure out if I have become shallow, or boring, or....I don't know what......and then the old phrase "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" popped into my head. THAT is clearly what all of my goals is about.

In the past few weeks or months I have been noticing (and so has my husband) an increasingly negative tone to the way I talk about myself - my appearance, my mothering ability, my ability to be a good wife, etc. Just negative and crabby - about myself. CLEARLY, I am in need of some taking care of, by myself! NOW - a disclaimer! My husband ROCKS! He is the most amazing, attentive, caring, selfless man I have ever met. He takes precious care of me. But, I haven't been doing enough for myself - and THAT is what these 34 are all about. If my overall goals in this life I've been given are to love my God with all my heart and mind and strength, and love and respect my husband, and love and raise my children in a way that (to the best of my ability and by God's grace) allows them to become Godly, generous, gentle, strong, industrious, brave, loyal, happy men and women......breathe....then I need to take care of myself so that there is more of me to give to all of them. Right?

So....without further ado (well...maybe just a little ado - for some of the goals I am going to "explain" my reasons - so that you don't think I'm a total gomer!)

My 34 Goals for my 34th Year

1. Have our family photo albums up to date by Christmas.

2. Make photo calendar with Steve's Johnson family

3. Organize and make recipe books with my Johnson family - to be handed out at Christmas

4. Memorize a Bible verse or passage a week - 52 total

5. Read a Psalm or Proverbs and a children's devotional at dinner nightly

6. Sew a quilt

7. Take a cooking class

8. Begin reading the Narnia series with Isaac

9. Make a new recipe for dinner 2 times a month

10. Buy a treadmill

11. Exercise 2x's / week
-this one requires an explanation - I used to work out religiously 5+ times a week - but, since significantly changing my diet I have lost weight and I don't need to exercise to be at a weight I am comfortable with - BUT, I know I am happier and feel better when I DO exercise, thus, the goal of "EXERCISE" 2x's a week - which is TOTALLY no problem during the summer, but, in Wisconsin during the winter, it's a tad difficult to just grab the kids and go for a 3 mile round trip walk to the park.....

12. Call my sister 2 times a month
- again, I love my sister and LOVE talking with her, but, she lives in Australia and it is tricky to call at the right time (15 hour time difference) - my evening is her early morning and she has two little kids, too - but, we don't talk enough - so, hopefully this will result in us talking at least once a week if she calls me just as often

13. Call my brother 2 times a month
- once more, love my brother, but, he's a guy and we don't chat it up as often as we should

14. Get rid of one piece of clothing each time I buy something new
- I was doing laundry yesterday and was APPALLED by the amount of clothing that 4 people can generate in just a few days - flat out sinful. So, I don't need any MORE things, just things I really love.

15. Have some sort of "teaching reading" time with Isaac 3 times a week

17. Write my Grandma and Grandpa once a month

18. Have a "date" with Isaac once a month

19. Memorize Hebrews 11

20. Memorize Deuteronomy 6:4-9

21. Memorize 1 Chronicles 29: 10-13 and teach this one to Isaac

22. Memorize Psalm 139

23. Put all loose recipes - especially those for natural/sweet savvy in a binder

24. Learn a new craft - crochet, thrown pottery or painting

25. Take a nap at least once a week

26. Go to the Art Studio and paint a new mug for myself

27. Get a massage

28. Compete in a 5K run

29. Read at least 8 books that I want to read

30. Go camping for 2 nights with my family

31. Have 24 hours alone, BY MYSELF, from 9am - 9am

32. Have 48 hours alone, WITH STEVE, from Friday evening to Sunday evening

33. Buy myself flowers at least once a month
- Steve buys me flowers OFTEN, but, these are things to do FOR MYSELF

34. Wake up at 6:00am (or whatever time Steve gets up on his early days) so I can spend some early time with him and then have alone time before the kids get up

So....that's them! I think I will type these out and post them on my fridge or put them with my devotional stuff - some way that they don't just become "that thing I did on my birthday".

If you have any other good ideas - maybe I'll add them to my list for my 35 for my 35th!

Mother of the Year....I think not!

2009-01-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

Ok - so, I have been including a few, very few, of the choicest morsels of Isaac's language acquisition. There are so many more that I should include.....here are two gems.
Isaac - "Mom, can I have some strawberry milk, please?"
Me - "yes"
Isaac - "Mom, can I also have some of those kind of strawberries that you put in your mouth and roll around and chop up with your teeth?"
Me - "No, we don't have any strawberries"
Isaac - "Oh....can I have grapes?"

I don't know why - but, that cracks me up!

Here's another good one....that will hopefully offset the final quote that I'll be adding (the quote that will secure that I will NEVER be mother of the year)....but, first, a sweet quote.

Isaac - "Mommy, if I was lost would you go past robots to find me?
Me - "Yes!"
Isaac - "Past huge Robots?"
Me - "Yes!"
Isaac - "Past huge dinosaurs with their roaring mouths roaring and their huge claws to grab you? "
Me - "Yes! I would go past anything to find you!"
Isaac - "Are you sure? Even dragons?"
Me -"Yes, I would go past anything. I would always come find you."
Isaac - "Oh. Good."

Isn't that sweet.

Now, for "the" quote.....I will never be mother of the year....this is why.

Isaac asked to "play house" the other day. He has never asked to do this before so I was kind of shocked and excited! I asked him "How do we play? Who do I get to be?"

He responded...."ok, you be the girl and I'll be the TV"......WHAT? I am a stay-home mom, my whole life revolves around taking care of my children and taking care of my house and MY SON thinks that "playing house" is a girl and a TV!?!?!!

I quit.

What should I write about today?

2008-12-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

I have been feeling sort of annoyed with myself for not writing on my blog (as I feared would happen if I had a blog in the first place). I think the problem is that I have NOTHING interesting to write about! THIS, of course, was also supposed to be the whole point of this blog of mine - to record the "everyday" events of my life and have a place to record the beauty and craziness of my life with young children. I don't want to get to be a grandmother and not be able to remember my own children's growing up years...I don't want to have ridiculous ideas about "when my children were little they NEVER...."or "my children ALWAYS".....I'm sure anyone with young children and parents (or a mother-in-law) of their own can relate to this situation.
Anyhoo....the problem is, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT!?!?!

Bugger.

Here's a good quote from my sweet boy - who just turned 4 by the way! 4! How is that possible? He was just a newborn miracle a few days ago? When did he become this big strapping boy...BOY!?

Here's a recent funny quote - "MOM! None of my tissues is working! My nose still doesn't work!"

I also was just reading a friend's blog about her 34 goals to accomplish in her 34th year. I am now feeling compelled to do the same thing. My 34th birthday is coming up soon and I feel the need to have some very definite goals for ME. Stephanie's accomplishments. Things on paper tha I can see as a goal and then things to mark off as success. I know that I have lots of successes everyday - but, they are not recorded (thus, the blog - DUH, Steph!)....so, I am going to spend the next few weeks thinking up 34 goals for myself.

That's my first goal!

Rescue Heroes

2008-10-17T14:01:00.000-07:00

The first thing to remember when reading Isaac's quotes is that all "L" sounds are pronounced "W"...so, my daughter Lydia is "Wydia"...
As a result, we have many funny sentences all day long such as..."Hey Mom! Wook at Wydia! She's Waughing!"

That's just it's own brand of cuteness....

But, today's great quote was the following.

Isaac to his Rescue Heroes...."OK, Gentomen (Gentlemen), wet's (let's) get to work!"

Quotes from My Kids - No. 1

2008-10-11T12:36:00.001-07:00

My Son Isaac is a hoot. He was a very, VERY late talker. He actually was in Early Childhood Speech Therapy because at the age of 2 he spoke about 10 words....maybe. He comes from a long line of late talkers - my husband, his brother, my brother, my father - you get the picture. So, I wasn't too concerned, but, since my background is Special Ed. I didn't want to be one of "those" parents that could see all the signs but refused to get any help - just in case....so, he was in speech therapy - which, in my opinion, did nothing much for him. His teacher was lovely and came to our house every week with a bucket full of new toys - so, he ignored her completely and played with the bucket of new toys for the hour she was at our house....somewhere around his third birthday Isaac decided that it was time to talk and we haven't had silence since!
Isaac is now almost four years old and although he has some funny little speech-y things in his speech he is a MOTORMOUTH! He will NOT STOP talking....I haven't found the "off" switch yet...so, during the last year of him really talking, he has had some pretty funny "quotes". I would hate to lose these gems. I have a quote board in my kitchen where I write down the more memorable - I thought you'd enjoy seeing a few of the best as they pop up. So, here we are - out of the mouth of my little babe....

Yesterday, while driving in the car past a construction sight....(a "mastrution" sight)....."Hey Mom!....When I grow up I'm going to be a backhoe. You can be a dump truck. (He can actually pronounce Dump Truck now...for quite a while it was pronounced "dum....and then an "f" instead of the "tr" in truck.....yep, sound it out in your head.....OK, you've got it - now, picture him running in the nursery at church and shouting for a "dum ....uck") Yes, Lydia can be a skid steer. (Oh, wow, what is Daddy going to be?).....Daddy can be a crane! Cranes are HUGE and TALL and GIGANTIC.....no, I want to be a crane! Daddy can be the backhoe!"
You have to love boys!

What am I doing in cyberspace!?

2008-10-10T13:05:00.000-07:00

This really cracks me up! I have a blog! What am I doing...seriously....I don't even know how to download my own pictures from a digital camera to a computer - in any way!

But.....some days I just want to vent.....or talk.....
maybe I need a place to chronicle my life as a stay-at-home mom -
a place to make my every day events, diapering, feeding, nose-wiping, story reading, errand-running - the stuff that we do every day without fanfare and without a raise (or a paycheck for that matter)....a place to make these events - important, worth my time, valid in my life and my children's lives...no, that's not true - they ARE valid, important, worthy of my time and attention - I just need a place to list them so they aren't lost in the "everyday" - but, they are chronicled so that I can look back and REMEMBER the beauty and hilarity in my "everyday"...
so - I'll just start to talk - who knows how much will actually get added to this blog spot, but, I'll have a place of my own....