The following is a copy of the email that we just sent to some family and a few friends regarding the status of our planned adoption from China. It seems amazingly odd to me that just two blog posts ago I was writing a letter to my "future child"...and now, this email regarding our decision to terminate our adoption plans.
I am fine. I am sad, too. I just never thought that this was how this "adoption" would end. It is still the right decision for our family. It is still how we feel led by God. It is just NOT the way I assumed this would end. For the past nearly six years I have assumed that at least one of my children would be adopted, first with Isabella and then with a daughter from China. It looks like that is not going to be part of our family's make-up now...at least on the outside. That is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around, too.
All in all, I am peaceful and....fine...with our decision to end our adoption journey with China. I just wanted to be sure that this email and my thoughts from last Friday were preserved.
So...here is that email.
Hi Family and Friends,
We thought that we would update you all on our China adoption status. Each of you has been with us on this journey since the very beginning and we felt it was only right that you are with us as this chapter of our lives ends as well.
Yes, that's what you just read, we have decided to formally end our adoption wait for China.
We started this process when Isaac was not yet 2 years old. At that time we very clearly felt led by God toward this form of adoption. Through our own experiences and from what our doctor's had told us, we did not anticipate being able to have any more biological children apart from God's direct blessing. We knew that our hearts longed to raise more children and the adoption of a baby girl from China felt correct...it was where we were being led by God at that time. We stepped forward and looked ahead with excitement expecting to have our daughter in our arms in 18 months (what we were told by our agency was the expected time frame for China at that point...we knew several people who had adopted from China in significantly less time than that as well).
As you all know, near the end of our dossier preparation for China we learned that we were expecting again! God is a God of miracles and we looked forward with HOPE towards the birth of Lydia! Praise God, she is now a vivacious 2 year old and we are constantly amazed at the beautiful little light she is in our family. We continued to keep tabs on our China adoption through all of this and anticipated adding our Chinese daughter to our family when Lydia was about 1 year old....that again, obviously did not happen. The time frame for China has perpetually lengthened and we have just sort of sat back and assumed that we would wait until...forever...whenever our time on the list came up.
Again, God blessed us abundantly with the birth of our beautiful little Miss Susanna! She has been pure joy to our family and since her birth the discussion of what to do about "China" has been ongoing.
This winter, shortly after Susanna was born, we were again keeping tabs on China and discovered to our shock and dismay, that our wait time for China was really anyone's guess. Every web site we looked at listed wait times for China (at our log-in date) to be anywhere from 5-11 years!!! Yes, 5-11 years. (Our own agency later could "neither confirm nor deny" that this was what we should expect.)
Before even seeing this timeline the thought that maybe we should end our China adoption had crept into the back of each of our minds. The costs that are involved each year that our adoption lags are significant, the wait time is significant, and the fact that our family feels comfortably at peace is also very significant. We have gone back and forth in our discussions for months now and we have prayed earnestly that we would come to a mutual, confident, peaceful decision as to whether to renew all our paperwork again and continue on with the adoption for at least the next 18 months (when it would all have to be renewed again as the anticipated "end" could still very well be years away), or whether we should stop the adoption process all together.
We feel that we have come to that peaceful place together. We no longer feel that we are being led to adoption through China. We can't exactly explain why...maybe part of it was an act of faith to step forward where we felt we were being called so that God could display His power in blessing us with two daughters when we sought one. We will never know this side of Eternity what God's plan is, but, we feel that He has brought us to a place of mutual agreement in terminating this process.
We do not know if our family is complete or not. Only God knows that. We only know that we no longer feel led to adopt from China and we feel blessed to overflowing with the three miracles who live in our home with us and who have been given into our stewardship to raise.
Steve officially called Pauquette today to have them begin the paperwork that will officially and legally end this adoption process. Even though we feel confident that this is the right decision for our family and we feel that God has closed this door for us, it is not without sadness that we turn this page in our lives. Tears were shed (by me!) this morning as the finality of this decision overwhelmed me when Steve hung up the phone.
So, that's all. I guess we just wanted to honor your involvement and prayers for us and let you know that we have ended our Chinese adoption. Please continue to rejoice with us over the amazing family God has given us.
With much love and gratitude for your companionship during this part of our lives,
Steve and Stephanie...and our family, Isaac, Lydia and Susanna
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Quotes and thoughts from my Bible Study today....
OK...so, this will be probably one of the most random posts I've ever...posted. I am going through a Bible Study at church by Beth Moore called "Esther". Obviously, it is a study of the book of the Bible called Esther. The following are direct quotes out of the lesson for today...and a few of my own thoughts sprinkled in. I just really was struck by parts of this lesson today. I felt it directly related to me in some mothering ways...how do you speak to your children to encourage and "push" without pushing too much OR without coddling so much that your children are helpless. Parts were also a good reminder to me that my everyday-ness IS beautiful and extraordinary and an offering to God WHEN I choose to make it that way. All the "wiping" that is my life right now - wiping noses, wiping bottoms, wiping counters, wiping windows, wiping up spills, etc. are all "breathtaking works of art" when I do them for His glory.
And so....
(The writer of this study entitled "Esther" is Beth Moore. In this particular day of study she is quoting from another author named Laura Fraser and her book called "My So-Called Genius" in which she recounts her remarkable journey from being a whiz-kid to a fairly-ordinary adulthood of unmet expectations. Her story relates her issues of assuming that since she had been told she was "great" that she must always accomplish "great things" or else be a failure. A psychologist pointed out to her, while she was in her mid-forties, "Do you have to do something great? Can you be happy to do something really good?")
-"Perfectionists always lose."
-Couldn't the craving to do something great keep us from doing something good?
-Perfectionism would have paralyzed Esther if she'd given way to it, but, today's lesson offers us a chance to broaden the spectrum. Let's spread around the responsibility for destructive expectations of greatness to the generations. As parents, teachers, relatives, leaders, or observers, we are wise to be careful about telling gifted children how great they aredestined to be. It is a trap and a forecast Fraser claims rarely pans out. She points out the monumental difference between talent and having a clue what to do with it and how genius rarely exempts people from having to work hard just like everybody else who wants to make it.
-...every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God. The blessed recipient is responsible for developing the integrity, humility, and work-ethic to know what to do with it. (1 Tim. 4:12-15, 2 Tim. 1:6) Gift without grit is a pitiful waste.
-Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extrarordinary. Spooning soup into the mouth of the weak or manning the nursery so a tired mom can go to church are acts of high worship when offered in the name of Christ. He beholds the sight like a breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. "She has done a beautiful thing to me" (Mark 14:6).
-Those with presence of mind and semblence of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips - perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated - into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.
-In effect Christ says, "I'm already great enough for both of us," relieving the willing of their woeful burden, "Just follow Me."
OK...so, none of these are my thoughts...just thoughts I found fascinating and didn't want to forget about in the midst of everything else that is my life.
And...I didn't really wrap that up well at all...but, life is calling. Lydia is screaming from her bedroom and Susanna has just woken up and is also SCREAMING!!! Thus I go...
And so....
(The writer of this study entitled "Esther" is Beth Moore. In this particular day of study she is quoting from another author named Laura Fraser and her book called "My So-Called Genius" in which she recounts her remarkable journey from being a whiz-kid to a fairly-ordinary adulthood of unmet expectations. Her story relates her issues of assuming that since she had been told she was "great" that she must always accomplish "great things" or else be a failure. A psychologist pointed out to her, while she was in her mid-forties, "Do you have to do something great? Can you be happy to do something really good?")
-"Perfectionists always lose."
-Couldn't the craving to do something great keep us from doing something good?
-Perfectionism would have paralyzed Esther if she'd given way to it, but, today's lesson offers us a chance to broaden the spectrum. Let's spread around the responsibility for destructive expectations of greatness to the generations. As parents, teachers, relatives, leaders, or observers, we are wise to be careful about telling gifted children how great they aredestined to be. It is a trap and a forecast Fraser claims rarely pans out. She points out the monumental difference between talent and having a clue what to do with it and how genius rarely exempts people from having to work hard just like everybody else who wants to make it.
-...every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God. The blessed recipient is responsible for developing the integrity, humility, and work-ethic to know what to do with it. (1 Tim. 4:12-15, 2 Tim. 1:6) Gift without grit is a pitiful waste.
-Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extrarordinary. Spooning soup into the mouth of the weak or manning the nursery so a tired mom can go to church are acts of high worship when offered in the name of Christ. He beholds the sight like a breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. "She has done a beautiful thing to me" (Mark 14:6).
-Those with presence of mind and semblence of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips - perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated - into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.
-In effect Christ says, "I'm already great enough for both of us," relieving the willing of their woeful burden, "Just follow Me."
OK...so, none of these are my thoughts...just thoughts I found fascinating and didn't want to forget about in the midst of everything else that is my life.
And...I didn't really wrap that up well at all...but, life is calling. Lydia is screaming from her bedroom and Susanna has just woken up and is also SCREAMING!!! Thus I go...
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Miss Lydia
I was going to just post this on Facebook...but, then I realized I wrote something about Lydia yesterday on Facebook and it occurred to me that I may have begun to sound like those mothers who have nothing else to talk about other than what their child did that day...so, in order to save some shred of dignity, I am going to post it here where only about 2 people will notice that I have nothing else to talk about!
Lydia is coming INTO HER OWN!!! WOW!! A few little funnies about the Little Miss...
At present, she is in her crib, NOT SLEEPING, and shouting "MINE" at her dollies and her Bunny. Evidently they are taking things from her, they have something she wants, they are making faces at her or talking back - all of which are reasons for yelling "MINE" in Isaac's direction!
She already has the very appropriate nickname "Lydzilla" for very obvious reasons. She is a one-woman-demolition-derby. Her new, very appropriate nickname is "Typhoid Mary". Her baby sister, Susanna (who, YES, I know, I haven't said a word about yet! Give me a little grace people! All my brain cells are focused on lactating at present...it's a miracle anything is getting typed today!) and her have been trading sicknesses. Poor things. They are both pretty miserable. But, Susanna will be just on the upswing and in walks Typhoid Mary with a face full of green snotties running down her face, into her mouth, on her hands, and before you can cut her off at the pass she runs up to her poor unsuspecting baby sister and plants one right on her face. Yep...3 hours later, Susanna is stuffed up again and blowing her own teeny weeny person snooties all over the place.
So....that's all for today!
OH...one more thing...Isaac was just registered for Kindergarten today! AAAACK! When did that happen? How did that happen? How has my sweet little boy gotten so grown up!?!?! His thoughts as I was filling out paperwork..."Mom, I think I'm a little nervous about Kindergarten....it might take a long time for the kids to know that I'm cool."
Lydia is coming INTO HER OWN!!! WOW!! A few little funnies about the Little Miss...
At present, she is in her crib, NOT SLEEPING, and shouting "MINE" at her dollies and her Bunny. Evidently they are taking things from her, they have something she wants, they are making faces at her or talking back - all of which are reasons for yelling "MINE" in Isaac's direction!
She already has the very appropriate nickname "Lydzilla" for very obvious reasons. She is a one-woman-demolition-derby. Her new, very appropriate nickname is "Typhoid Mary". Her baby sister, Susanna (who, YES, I know, I haven't said a word about yet! Give me a little grace people! All my brain cells are focused on lactating at present...it's a miracle anything is getting typed today!) and her have been trading sicknesses. Poor things. They are both pretty miserable. But, Susanna will be just on the upswing and in walks Typhoid Mary with a face full of green snotties running down her face, into her mouth, on her hands, and before you can cut her off at the pass she runs up to her poor unsuspecting baby sister and plants one right on her face. Yep...3 hours later, Susanna is stuffed up again and blowing her own teeny weeny person snooties all over the place.
So....that's all for today!
OH...one more thing...Isaac was just registered for Kindergarten today! AAAACK! When did that happen? How did that happen? How has my sweet little boy gotten so grown up!?!?! His thoughts as I was filling out paperwork..."Mom, I think I'm a little nervous about Kindergarten....it might take a long time for the kids to know that I'm cool."
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Two Years Ago Today
Two years ago today...November 29, 2007...we were officially logged into China's adoption system and put on their Wait List to adopt a baby girl. 2 years ago! We actually started the process almost three years ago when you figure in the decision to go forward with adoption again (this time international), meetings, appointments, paperwork, SLLLLOOOOOWWWWW mail systems all over our country and across the world, and the time it took to actually get logged into China's system.
We are still waiting for you little one! You have had a name (that we've never shared with anyone) for almost three years and you aren't even born yet! We thought that you would be our second and probably last child and by God's infinite and extravagently breathtaking mercy He has blessed us with two miracles since we started waiting for you - Lydia and Baby Girl due in just a couple weeks.
We anticipate that we will be on the wait list for at least another 12-18 months...but, who knows...nothing is constant or predictable...so....
We are still waiting for YOU, Little One in China. When will you be born? Have you already been concieved?...probably... When will we see your beautiful face for the first time and read all about you? When will we travel to get you? What will it feel like to hold you in my arms and hear your voice and smell your skin and kiss your face all for the first time? How old will your brother and sisters be when it is time for YOU to join YOUR family?
We have been praying for your birthmother (and father) as well. We can only imagine the full circumstances that will have alligned against her to force her to give you up. As she probably knows she is pregnant she is probably thrilled to feel you move and know you are alive and growing...and grieved in a way that can never be described in words at the knowledge that she must tear herself away from you with only her hopes and prayers for your future. She is loved by us as well and will be part of our prayers for the rest of our lives.
But, in ways we cannot comprehend nor trace out...
God planned US as a family before the beginning of time! He "matched" us before the creation of the Universe. So...for now...we are still waiting for you Little One in China.
We love you. We have loved you for years. You are OURS in all the ways that are important - you are ours in our prayers, our hearts, our dreams, our plans for the future, the way we picture our completed family...YOU are OURS and WE are YOUR MAMA and DADDY!
Sweet girl.
We are still waiting for you little one! You have had a name (that we've never shared with anyone) for almost three years and you aren't even born yet! We thought that you would be our second and probably last child and by God's infinite and extravagently breathtaking mercy He has blessed us with two miracles since we started waiting for you - Lydia and Baby Girl due in just a couple weeks.
We anticipate that we will be on the wait list for at least another 12-18 months...but, who knows...nothing is constant or predictable...so....
We are still waiting for YOU, Little One in China. When will you be born? Have you already been concieved?...probably... When will we see your beautiful face for the first time and read all about you? When will we travel to get you? What will it feel like to hold you in my arms and hear your voice and smell your skin and kiss your face all for the first time? How old will your brother and sisters be when it is time for YOU to join YOUR family?
We have been praying for your birthmother (and father) as well. We can only imagine the full circumstances that will have alligned against her to force her to give you up. As she probably knows she is pregnant she is probably thrilled to feel you move and know you are alive and growing...and grieved in a way that can never be described in words at the knowledge that she must tear herself away from you with only her hopes and prayers for your future. She is loved by us as well and will be part of our prayers for the rest of our lives.
But, in ways we cannot comprehend nor trace out...
God planned US as a family before the beginning of time! He "matched" us before the creation of the Universe. So...for now...we are still waiting for you Little One in China.
We love you. We have loved you for years. You are OURS in all the ways that are important - you are ours in our prayers, our hearts, our dreams, our plans for the future, the way we picture our completed family...YOU are OURS and WE are YOUR MAMA and DADDY!
Sweet girl.
Friday, November 6, 2009
I Don't Even Know Where to Begin!
Seriously....I am so bad at this blog stuff! I write in these waves of several updates at a time and then don't update for 6 months at a time! I'm at the point now where I don't even know where to start with some sort of an update on my life....
I suppose the quick and dirty version is an update on my kids -
Isaac will turn 5...YES 5 in just a few weeks. So not possible. I can't handle it. I'm at the same point of denial that I was right before he turned one....there is NO WAY my baby is this old!
Lydia is almost 19 months old and her newest nickname is Lydzilla! She is a handful! She is sweet and cuddly and snuggly and kissy AND she likes to stomp like Godzilla through Isaac's structures and throw her food at the dog and smack Isaac's head if she's above him in someone's arms....and her world is about to be ROCKED.
Yes...Miracle #3 is on her way! (Seriously, if this doesn't prove that I SUCK at keeping a blog up-to-date...well, then nothing else possibly could!) We are expecting our third miracle baby in just 6 short weeks! She is due December 18....or probably Christmas Day with the way my babies evidently like to take their sweet time entering the world. We know her name - but, we don't share....so sorry. I was actually shopping at a fabric store a few weeks ago (having my first 24 hours ALL TO MYSELF in over 5 years!) and the girl behind the check-out counter was just so upset that I wouldn't tell her the baby's name! She said, "PLEASE, can't you just tell me! We are total strangers! You'll never see me again - I'll never see you again. I need to know. It's going to stress me out for the rest of the day." I said, "Nope. We don't tell. This will give you something to think about for the rest of the day and make your work day go faster." She begged me to at least tell her the first letter...which I refused....so she told me I was mean. Yep.
Here is my funny kid saying for the week. We were driving around doing errands the other day. Steve was with which makes this story so much funnier! Isaac was sitting in the back talking on a play cell phone. All of a sudden we hear, "Ah, yes Sir, I would wike a vaniwa watte and some cookies for the kids, please." (translation - for those of you that don't read "almost 5 year old speech that still lacks L's for the most part" - I would like a vanilla latte"). OK, Steve just looked at me and groaned and rolled his eyes - he thinks I buy myself a coffee EVERY DAY. In reality, I almost never do - so, I don't know where he gets that from. The thing that made me howl was that THAT ISN'T EVEN MY DRINK!!! My actual coffee drink, if I go to Starbucks is a Decaf latte with 2 pumps sugar-free vanilla 2 pumps sugar-free caramal - NOT with 1%, I want at least 2% or whole milk if it's available. SO.....my little man in the backseat is either familiar enough with the lingo to break it down to what is intelligible to him...OR, he's been out ordering his own special drink without me knowing! Either way...it's a hoot!
OK...so, I can't promise this will be updated again anytime soon. Hopefully though before the new baby turns 1!
I suppose the quick and dirty version is an update on my kids -
Isaac will turn 5...YES 5 in just a few weeks. So not possible. I can't handle it. I'm at the same point of denial that I was right before he turned one....there is NO WAY my baby is this old!
Lydia is almost 19 months old and her newest nickname is Lydzilla! She is a handful! She is sweet and cuddly and snuggly and kissy AND she likes to stomp like Godzilla through Isaac's structures and throw her food at the dog and smack Isaac's head if she's above him in someone's arms....and her world is about to be ROCKED.
Yes...Miracle #3 is on her way! (Seriously, if this doesn't prove that I SUCK at keeping a blog up-to-date...well, then nothing else possibly could!) We are expecting our third miracle baby in just 6 short weeks! She is due December 18....or probably Christmas Day with the way my babies evidently like to take their sweet time entering the world. We know her name - but, we don't share....so sorry. I was actually shopping at a fabric store a few weeks ago (having my first 24 hours ALL TO MYSELF in over 5 years!) and the girl behind the check-out counter was just so upset that I wouldn't tell her the baby's name! She said, "PLEASE, can't you just tell me! We are total strangers! You'll never see me again - I'll never see you again. I need to know. It's going to stress me out for the rest of the day." I said, "Nope. We don't tell. This will give you something to think about for the rest of the day and make your work day go faster." She begged me to at least tell her the first letter...which I refused....so she told me I was mean. Yep.
Here is my funny kid saying for the week. We were driving around doing errands the other day. Steve was with which makes this story so much funnier! Isaac was sitting in the back talking on a play cell phone. All of a sudden we hear, "Ah, yes Sir, I would wike a vaniwa watte and some cookies for the kids, please." (translation - for those of you that don't read "almost 5 year old speech that still lacks L's for the most part" - I would like a vanilla latte"). OK, Steve just looked at me and groaned and rolled his eyes - he thinks I buy myself a coffee EVERY DAY. In reality, I almost never do - so, I don't know where he gets that from. The thing that made me howl was that THAT ISN'T EVEN MY DRINK!!! My actual coffee drink, if I go to Starbucks is a Decaf latte with 2 pumps sugar-free vanilla 2 pumps sugar-free caramal - NOT with 1%, I want at least 2% or whole milk if it's available. SO.....my little man in the backseat is either familiar enough with the lingo to break it down to what is intelligible to him...OR, he's been out ordering his own special drink without me knowing! Either way...it's a hoot!
OK...so, I can't promise this will be updated again anytime soon. Hopefully though before the new baby turns 1!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Where the heck have I been?
Wow.....I dropped off the face of the earth for 3 months!
Not really....I'm still here doing all the same things I usually do, I have just evidently had nothing interesting to write about or report about my life. This, of course, isn't true and was the whole point of my blog in the first place. Seriously.
So....since I can't think of anything too hilarious or shocking I'll report a few of Isaac's newest prayers!
Isaac likes to be the "pray-er" at all meals lately. Some of his prayers are quite interesting.
If that one isn't a true picture into human nature I don't know what is!
I have been updating my reading list! I have read some GREAT books in the past several months - I highly recommend anything on my reading list!
I'm Back!
Not really....I'm still here doing all the same things I usually do, I have just evidently had nothing interesting to write about or report about my life. This, of course, isn't true and was the whole point of my blog in the first place. Seriously.
So....since I can't think of anything too hilarious or shocking I'll report a few of Isaac's newest prayers!
Isaac likes to be the "pray-er" at all meals lately. Some of his prayers are quite interesting.
"Come Lord Jesus,
be our guest,
of the United States of America
and to the Republic for which it stands.
One nation, under God, indivisible,
with Liberty and Justice for all.
And bless our food.
Amen."
and another..."Jesus.
Keep us safe while we eat.
Bless us.
Give me what I want.
Amen."
If that one isn't a true picture into human nature I don't know what is!
I have been updating my reading list! I have read some GREAT books in the past several months - I highly recommend anything on my reading list!
I'm Back!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Yucky Hair
My hair sucks.
I have had basically the exact same hairstyle my whole life.
I did go through quite a perm phase for a while...but, basically I have had the same boring, shoulder-length-ish, no bangs, "natural" hair my whole life.
It sucks.
It's not thick, it's not thin. It's not curly, but it's not straight either.
I had it shorter for a while this summer - and I did actually like how it looked (gasp)...but, it was a total pain because I couldn't put it up or back or anything and let's face it...I have a 4 year old son and a baby...my hair needs to be out of my face.
Of course....it's not like you, the reader, can do anything about this. I don't even have one single picture of me posted in order for you to give me some constructive ideas about a positive change for my hair.
So....I'll just continue whining and you can be relieved to be at the end of this post.
I have had basically the exact same hairstyle my whole life.
I did go through quite a perm phase for a while...but, basically I have had the same boring, shoulder-length-ish, no bangs, "natural" hair my whole life.
It sucks.
It's not thick, it's not thin. It's not curly, but it's not straight either.
I had it shorter for a while this summer - and I did actually like how it looked (gasp)...but, it was a total pain because I couldn't put it up or back or anything and let's face it...I have a 4 year old son and a baby...my hair needs to be out of my face.
Of course....it's not like you, the reader, can do anything about this. I don't even have one single picture of me posted in order for you to give me some constructive ideas about a positive change for my hair.
So....I'll just continue whining and you can be relieved to be at the end of this post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)