A.K.A.

I don't actually know what A.K.A. stands for...but, I know it has to do with alternate names for people.

So...today, I will let you in on my children's alternate names.

These are the names that only Steve and I call them. We don't really want them to have a complex because of everyone calling them these names. But, it does give us SUCH satisfaction to mutter these little names to each other about our little angels.

Isaac: AKA "Captain Freaktastic-Amazing"
This name came about because Isaac can turn on a FREAK OUT like nobody's business! He is normally a very mellow, happy, thoughtful child. But, MAN, can he flip on his OCD switch and just have a meltdown about anything! Socks that don't sit at the exact right spot on his ankle, breakfast that doesn't count as "breakfast", an invisible tear in a piece of paper....honestly, the list is so long I may have a meltdown myself just thinking about all the amazing freak outs he has had in the past six years! Tears squirting from his eyes, body thrown to the floor, muttering incomprehensively....Fa-REAK OUT!

Lydia: AKA "Princess Lydzilla"
This name is fairly self-explanatory. Lydia is 2 1/2 and at the moment she is a "beautiful princess" almost all of the time. But, sometimes, while she was a beautiful princess just a moment ago...if you ASK her if she's a beautiful princess she will immediately change her entire demeanor - facial expression, body language, voice, etc. and become a tiger, or a rhinocerous, or a kimodo dragon....all that, and when the "Lydzilla" part started it was because she liked to trample on Isaac's building projects. :)

Susanna: AKA "McScreamy"
This name was just bestowed this morning....hence, this post. Steve and I were lying in bed, barely conscious after last night's screaming chaos and Steve said, "I have Susanna's new name. McScreamy. Because she's tiny like a McNugget, but she can scream like nothing I have ever heard before." Honestly...this little one is AMAZING! She has a scream that is honestly just unlike anything I have ever heard before...the pitch and strength are phenomenal...especially since she is SO TINY! She just turned one a few weeks ago and she is in the 0th percentile for her age! She only weighs 16 lb 9 oz at one year old! She is just teeny tiny....but, she has lungs like an opera singer! She is usually a sweet, happy, shy-ish little baby. She wants to be held by me ALL DAY LONG. But, put her in a car seat or put her in bed when she doesn't want to be asleep and WOW! The show begins!
Last night, she woke up at 3:00am for a bottle. She drank almost the whole thing, seemed to be satisfied, snuggled into me and was almost asleep. We rocked for a few minutes and then I put her in her bed. She POPPED up like a jack-in-the-box and commenced to scream at eardrum rupturing decibels for 90 minutes! 90 minutes!
Today while running errands, she SCREAMED the entire time until my ears were actually ringing. We stopped at Walgreens for something and she stopped on a dime, smiled, cooed, chatted, snuggled, and then COMMENCED SCREAMING the moment she was back in her carseat.

So. There you have it. Mommy, Daddy, Captain Freaktastic-Amazing, Princess Lydzilla and McScreamy.

Welcome to our home.

"WalMart"

Ugh.

I just returned home from a grocery shopping trip to WalMart.

That could be my whole post right there. That's enough.

Sadly...that's the point of this post!...sort of...

I am a list-maker. I LOVE making lists! I make lists of the things I am planning on doing or accomplishing during the day. I add things to my list if I complete something that wasn't on my list to begin with. I have even been known to get to the end of a particularly hectic day and rewrite my whole list and then cross it all off one thing after another just so I can SEE what exhausted me so much!

I think this desire to "LIST" my day may have been kicked into super-drive when I became a stay-at-home mom. Some part of myself needed the "ACCOMPLISHED" phase of life...do you know what I mean? I taught for 6 years prior to being blessed with motherhood and of course, as a teacher, I had LOTS of lists going at all times and LOTS of things to cross off my list all day long.

Being a mother to small children is a little like the movie "Groundhog Day". Everyday is a lot like the day before it. Wake up, nurse, change diapers, wipe up stuff, change diapers, wipe up more stuff, run errands, make food, wipe up more stuff, change more diapers.....repeat...

Don't misunderstand. I LOVE BEING A STAY-HOME-MOMMY! I love it! But, I definitely have my moments. I am only human. I have my selfish times. I have my impatient times. I have my less-than-super-mom days. Today is one of those days.

So. My list for today looks something like this-
-Devotions
-Dust
-Laundry
-Upstairs Bathroom
-Sweep
-Post Office
-Bank
-WalMart
-Renew library books
-Make granola

I began my day - everyone fed, everyone clean...ish, everyone ready to roll - off we go on our errands. Drive thru at Post Office and two Banks (in another post I'll describe my reasons for why ALL places I must go during the day should be drive-thru...but, that's another post)...then I head to WalMart for my grocery shopping.

I don't like that I shop at WalMart. I feel like I am helping to contribute to the downfall of all the family run businesses of the world. But, THEY ARE CHEAP! I can't help it! I would, at this point in our financial and family world, be CRAZY to do my bulk shopping anywhere else! So...I head to the largest WalMart in the state of Wisconsin. Yep.

Let's just blink for a moment and pretend that that hour of my motherhood doesn't exist. Can we all do that together? Please? Do you think that in the long-run my children will remember that hour of their lives?

So, we get home from "WalMart". I carry in the bags of groceries, park the car, get the kids in and occupied while I carry my HYSTERICAL baby Susanna around the kitchen putting away the perishables. I get those things put away and walk past my "LIST" on the way to nurse her before making lunch. I scan the list so I can quick have that satisfaction of crossing off my morning and I get to cross off"Post Office", "Bank", and "WalMart". WHAT THE!?!?! "WalMart" SO does not count as much as sweeping later today or my quick drive up to the mail slot and deposit the envelope at the Post Office or my 5 minutes of making granola. "WalMart". One tiny little line through that word is supposed to give me the satisfaction of accomplishing that monumental task with my children in one of the semi-truck carts while they battle each other and me for an hour through the grocery store that could feed a small nation!!!

So...from now on....I think on the days that I must go grocery shopping at WalMart my list for the day will look something more like this...

-Devotions
-Dust
-Post Office
-Make it into WalMart from the car without Lydia getting mowed down by an SUV
-Get all 3 onto mammoth cart without Isaac having a nervous breakdown from the piece of goo on the far corner of the cart
-Survive produce section without 302 lemons cascading down on Lydia's head
-NOT say something snarky to crabby old lady near meat counter when she says to my beautiful baby daughter "He sure looks a little crabby. Maybe he needs his diaper changed."
-Resist urge to duct tape Lydia to cart after she throws 4th box of cereal into cart onto grapes
-Do NOT say something I'll always regret after Isaac whines "Why can't we have Lucky Charms!!! You NEVER let us get anything good!!!"
-etc. etc....this could become a REAAALLLY long list
-Avoid getting myself a treat from Starbucks just to punish the little felons in the backseat....maybe I shouldn't cross off this one...
-Unload all the groceries without the dog stealing the cheese sticks out of the last bag before I can get them from him
-Sit down and get Susanna nursed before she turns purple from screaming
-Make Granola
-Renew Library books

Ahhhh. That feels better. Crossing off this list gives me satisfaction. It makes me looks like a rock star. It. Is. Finished.


-

Copy of email: China Update

The following is a copy of the email that we just sent to some family and a few friends regarding the status of our planned adoption from China. It seems amazingly odd to me that just two blog posts ago I was writing a letter to my "future child"...and now, this email regarding our decision to terminate our adoption plans.
I am fine. I am sad, too. I just never thought that this was how this "adoption" would end. It is still the right decision for our family. It is still how we feel led by God. It is just NOT the way I assumed this would end. For the past nearly six years I have assumed that at least one of my children would be adopted, first with Isabella and then with a daughter from China. It looks like that is not going to be part of our family's make-up now...at least on the outside. That is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around, too.
All in all, I am peaceful and....fine...with our decision to end our adoption journey with China. I just wanted to be sure that this email and my thoughts from last Friday were preserved.

So...here is that email.


Hi Family and Friends,
We thought that we would update you all on our China adoption status. Each of you has been with us on this journey since the very beginning and we felt it was only right that you are with us as this chapter of our lives ends as well.
Yes, that's what you just read, we have decided to formally end our adoption wait for China.
We started this process when Isaac was not yet 2 years old. At that time we very clearly felt led by God toward this form of adoption. Through our own experiences and from what our doctor's had told us, we did not anticipate being able to have any more biological children apart from God's direct blessing. We knew that our hearts longed to raise more children and the adoption of a baby girl from China felt correct...it was where we were being led by God at that time. We stepped forward and looked ahead with excitement expecting to have our daughter in our arms in 18 months (what we were told by our agency was the expected time frame for China at that point...we knew several people who had adopted from China in significantly less time than that as well).
As you all know, near the end of our dossier preparation for China we learned that we were expecting again! God is a God of miracles and we looked forward with HOPE towards the birth of Lydia! Praise God, she is now a vivacious 2 year old and we are constantly amazed at the beautiful little light she is in our family. We continued to keep tabs on our China adoption through all of this and anticipated adding our Chinese daughter to our family when Lydia was about 1 year old....that again, obviously did not happen. The time frame for China has perpetually lengthened and we have just sort of sat back and assumed that we would wait until...forever...whenever our time on the list came up.
Again, God blessed us abundantly with the birth of our beautiful little Miss Susanna! She has been pure joy to our family and since her birth the discussion of what to do about "China" has been ongoing.
This winter, shortly after Susanna was born, we were again keeping tabs on China and discovered to our shock and dismay, that our wait time for China was really anyone's guess. Every web site we looked at listed wait times for China (at our log-in date) to be anywhere from 5-11 years!!! Yes, 5-11 years. (Our own agency later could "neither confirm nor deny" that this was what we should expect.)
Before even seeing this timeline the thought that maybe we should end our China adoption had crept into the back of each of our minds. The costs that are involved each year that our adoption lags are significant, the wait time is significant, and the fact that our family feels comfortably at peace is also very significant. We have gone back and forth in our discussions for months now and we have prayed earnestly that we would come to a mutual, confident, peaceful decision as to whether to renew all our paperwork again and continue on with the adoption for at least the next 18 months (when it would all have to be renewed again as the anticipated "end" could still very well be years away), or whether we should stop the adoption process all together.
We feel that we have come to that peaceful place together. We no longer feel that we are being led to adoption through China. We can't exactly explain why...maybe part of it was an act of faith to step forward where we felt we were being called so that God could display His power in blessing us with two daughters when we sought one. We will never know this side of Eternity what God's plan is, but, we feel that He has brought us to a place of mutual agreement in terminating this process.
We do not know if our family is complete or not. Only God knows that. We only know that we no longer feel led to adopt from China and we feel blessed to overflowing with the three miracles who live in our home with us and who have been given into our stewardship to raise.
Steve officially called Pauquette today to have them begin the paperwork that will officially and legally end this adoption process. Even though we feel confident that this is the right decision for our family and we feel that God has closed this door for us, it is not without sadness that we turn this page in our lives. Tears were shed (by me!) this morning as the finality of this decision overwhelmed me when Steve hung up the phone.
So, that's all. I guess we just wanted to honor your involvement and prayers for us and let you know that we have ended our Chinese adoption. Please continue to rejoice with us over the amazing family God has given us.
With much love and gratitude for your companionship during this part of our lives,
Steve and Stephanie...and our family, Isaac, Lydia and Susanna

Quotes and thoughts from my Bible Study today....

OK...so, this will be probably one of the most random posts I've ever...posted. I am going through a Bible Study at church by Beth Moore called "Esther". Obviously, it is a study of the book of the Bible called Esther. The following are direct quotes out of the lesson for today...and a few of my own thoughts sprinkled in. I just really was struck by parts of this lesson today. I felt it directly related to me in some mothering ways...how do you speak to your children to encourage and "push" without pushing too much OR without coddling so much that your children are helpless. Parts were also a good reminder to me that my everyday-ness IS beautiful and extraordinary and an offering to God WHEN I choose to make it that way. All the "wiping" that is my life right now - wiping noses, wiping bottoms, wiping counters, wiping windows, wiping up spills, etc. are all "breathtaking works of art" when I do them for His glory.

And so....

(The writer of this study entitled "Esther" is Beth Moore. In this particular day of study she is quoting from another author named Laura Fraser and her book called "My So-Called Genius" in which she recounts her remarkable journey from being a whiz-kid to a fairly-ordinary adulthood of unmet expectations. Her story relates her issues of assuming that since she had been told she was "great" that she must always accomplish "great things" or else be a failure. A psychologist pointed out to her, while she was in her mid-forties, "Do you have to do something great? Can you be happy to do something really good?")

-"Perfectionists always lose."

-Couldn't the craving to do something great keep us from doing something good?

-Perfectionism would have paralyzed Esther if she'd given way to it, but, today's lesson offers us a chance to broaden the spectrum. Let's spread around the responsibility for destructive expectations of greatness to the generations. As parents, teachers, relatives, leaders, or observers, we are wise to be careful about telling gifted children how great they aredestined to be. It is a trap and a forecast Fraser claims rarely pans out. She points out the monumental difference between talent and having a clue what to do with it and how genius rarely exempts people from having to work hard just like everybody else who wants to make it.

-...every gift is a trust placed in human hands by a holy God. The blessed recipient is responsible for developing the integrity, humility, and work-ethic to know what to do with it. (1 Tim. 4:12-15, 2 Tim. 1:6) Gift without grit is a pitiful waste.

-Every one of us who embraces the glory of God as our purpose will end up doing great things precisely because we do God-things. His holy hand resting on the least act renders the ordinary extrarordinary. Spooning soup into the mouth of the weak or manning the nursery so a tired mom can go to church are acts of high worship when offered in the name of Christ. He beholds the sight like a breathtaking work of art, tilting His head to study each subtle detail. "She has done a beautiful thing to me" (Mark 14:6).

-Those with presence of mind and semblence of health are called to pour out the drink offering of their lives until the cup is overturned and every drop of energy slips - perhaps unnoticed, uncelebrated - into the vast ocean of earthly need. The last imperceptible drop of your well-lived life will sound to the hosts of heaven like a tidal wave hitting the floor of the Grand Canyon.

-In effect Christ says, "I'm already great enough for both of us," relieving the willing of their woeful burden, "Just follow Me."

OK...so, none of these are my thoughts...just thoughts I found fascinating and didn't want to forget about in the midst of everything else that is my life.

And...I didn't really wrap that up well at all...but, life is calling. Lydia is screaming from her bedroom and Susanna has just woken up and is also SCREAMING!!! Thus I go...

Miss Lydia

I was going to just post this on Facebook...but, then I realized I wrote something about Lydia yesterday on Facebook and it occurred to me that I may have begun to sound like those mothers who have nothing else to talk about other than what their child did that day...so, in order to save some shred of dignity, I am going to post it here where only about 2 people will notice that I have nothing else to talk about!

Lydia is coming INTO HER OWN!!! WOW!! A few little funnies about the Little Miss...

At present, she is in her crib, NOT SLEEPING, and shouting "MINE" at her dollies and her Bunny. Evidently they are taking things from her, they have something she wants, they are making faces at her or talking back - all of which are reasons for yelling "MINE" in Isaac's direction!

She already has the very appropriate nickname "Lydzilla" for very obvious reasons. She is a one-woman-demolition-derby. Her new, very appropriate nickname is "Typhoid Mary". Her baby sister, Susanna (who, YES, I know, I haven't said a word about yet! Give me a little grace people! All my brain cells are focused on lactating at present...it's a miracle anything is getting typed today!) and her have been trading sicknesses. Poor things. They are both pretty miserable. But, Susanna will be just on the upswing and in walks Typhoid Mary with a face full of green snotties running down her face, into her mouth, on her hands, and before you can cut her off at the pass she runs up to her poor unsuspecting baby sister and plants one right on her face. Yep...3 hours later, Susanna is stuffed up again and blowing her own teeny weeny person snooties all over the place.

So....that's all for today!

OH...one more thing...Isaac was just registered for Kindergarten today! AAAACK! When did that happen? How did that happen? How has my sweet little boy gotten so grown up!?!?! His thoughts as I was filling out paperwork..."Mom, I think I'm a little nervous about Kindergarten....it might take a long time for the kids to know that I'm cool."