The following is a copy of the email that we just sent to some family and a few friends regarding the status of our planned adoption from China. It seems amazingly odd to me that just two blog posts ago I was writing a letter to my "future child"...and now, this email regarding our decision to terminate our adoption plans.
I am fine. I am sad, too. I just never thought that this was how this "adoption" would end. It is still the right decision for our family. It is still how we feel led by God. It is just NOT the way I assumed this would end. For the past nearly six years I have assumed that at least one of my children would be adopted, first with Isabella and then with a daughter from China. It looks like that is not going to be part of our family's make-up now...at least on the outside. That is a difficult thing to wrap my mind around, too.
All in all, I am peaceful and....fine...with our decision to end our adoption journey with China. I just wanted to be sure that this email and my thoughts from last Friday were preserved.
So...here is that email.
Hi Family and Friends,
We thought that we would update you all on our China adoption status. Each of you has been with us on this journey since the very beginning and we felt it was only right that you are with us as this chapter of our lives ends as well.
Yes, that's what you just read, we have decided to formally end our adoption wait for China.
We started this process when Isaac was not yet 2 years old. At that time we very clearly felt led by God toward this form of adoption. Through our own experiences and from what our doctor's had told us, we did not anticipate being able to have any more biological children apart from God's direct blessing. We knew that our hearts longed to raise more children and the adoption of a baby girl from China felt correct...it was where we were being led by God at that time. We stepped forward and looked ahead with excitement expecting to have our daughter in our arms in 18 months (what we were told by our agency was the expected time frame for China at that point...we knew several people who had adopted from China in significantly less time than that as well).
As you all know, near the end of our dossier preparation for China we learned that we were expecting again! God is a God of miracles and we looked forward with HOPE towards the birth of Lydia! Praise God, she is now a vivacious 2 year old and we are constantly amazed at the beautiful little light she is in our family. We continued to keep tabs on our China adoption through all of this and anticipated adding our Chinese daughter to our family when Lydia was about 1 year old....that again, obviously did not happen. The time frame for China has perpetually lengthened and we have just sort of sat back and assumed that we would wait until...forever...whenever our time on the list came up.
Again, God blessed us abundantly with the birth of our beautiful little Miss Susanna! She has been pure joy to our family and since her birth the discussion of what to do about "China" has been ongoing.
This winter, shortly after Susanna was born, we were again keeping tabs on China and discovered to our shock and dismay, that our wait time for China was really anyone's guess. Every web site we looked at listed wait times for China (at our log-in date) to be anywhere from 5-11 years!!! Yes, 5-11 years. (Our own agency later could "neither confirm nor deny" that this was what we should expect.)
Before even seeing this timeline the thought that maybe we should end our China adoption had crept into the back of each of our minds. The costs that are involved each year that our adoption lags are significant, the wait time is significant, and the fact that our family feels comfortably at peace is also very significant. We have gone back and forth in our discussions for months now and we have prayed earnestly that we would come to a mutual, confident, peaceful decision as to whether to renew all our paperwork again and continue on with the adoption for at least the next 18 months (when it would all have to be renewed again as the anticipated "end" could still very well be years away), or whether we should stop the adoption process all together.
We feel that we have come to that peaceful place together. We no longer feel that we are being led to adoption through China. We can't exactly explain why...maybe part of it was an act of faith to step forward where we felt we were being called so that God could display His power in blessing us with two daughters when we sought one. We will never know this side of Eternity what God's plan is, but, we feel that He has brought us to a place of mutual agreement in terminating this process.
We do not know if our family is complete or not. Only God knows that. We only know that we no longer feel led to adopt from China and we feel blessed to overflowing with the three miracles who live in our home with us and who have been given into our stewardship to raise.
Steve officially called Pauquette today to have them begin the paperwork that will officially and legally end this adoption process. Even though we feel confident that this is the right decision for our family and we feel that God has closed this door for us, it is not without sadness that we turn this page in our lives. Tears were shed (by me!) this morning as the finality of this decision overwhelmed me when Steve hung up the phone.
So, that's all. I guess we just wanted to honor your involvement and prayers for us and let you know that we have ended our Chinese adoption. Please continue to rejoice with us over the amazing family God has given us.
With much love and gratitude for your companionship during this part of our lives,
Steve and Stephanie...and our family, Isaac, Lydia and Susanna
